Bunny Bear

How to Stop Taking On Other People’s Problems (#you_problem)

zeus dalios — Sun, 04 Oct 2026 06:05:56 +0000

The siren goes off. A whole swarm of problems races across the screen. Kev pops up, looks around, checks every one of them, and lies back down. Phew… not a me problem.

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thatBB dictionary

#you_problem

(noun)

A problem that is loud, urgent, and not yours. Worth one look. Not worth getting up for.

Why we take on other people’s problems

Problems are loud, and loud feels urgent. A coworker’s crisis, a friend’s drama, a group chat on fire: it all arrives like a siren, and the reflex is to jump up and carry it. But most of what races past was never ours to carry. Taking it on doesn’t solve it. It just makes two tired people instead of one.

What would a stoic do?

Some things are under our control, while others are not under our control.
Epictetus, Enchiridion 1 (trans. W. A. Oldfather)

Epictetus put this line first in his handbook, and everything else follows from it. Notice what Kev does, though: he gets up and looks. That’s the stoic part. You check, honestly, whether it’s yours. If it is, you own it. If it isn’t, you can be kind about it and still lie back down.

Try this: three moves when the siren goes off

Pop up and look. Don’t ignore it and don’t grab it. Take one honest look at what is actually happening.
Ask: is any of this mine? Your choices, your words, your part. That’s yours. Their feelings, their deadline, their mess is theirs.
Help without carrying. Offer an ear or a hand if you want to. Then hand it back, and lie back down.

For whoever is holding three problems that aren’t theirs right now: you’re allowed to put them down. meow meow, kev

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How to Stop Overreacting to Small Things: Man vs Mosquito (Final Boss)

zeus dalios — Thu, 01 Oct 2026 16:58:05 +0000

Man vs mosquito. Kev slapped at it once and missed. He slapped again, harder, and knocked himself flat. The mosquito kept flying. Mosquito: 1, Kevin: 0.

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thatBB dictionary

final boss

(noun)

The last and hardest opponent in the game. Sometimes it’s a mosquito. Sometimes it’s you, swinging at the mosquito.

Why we overreact to small things

A mosquito can’t knock anyone over. It buzzes, it maybe bites, and the itch is gone by tomorrow. The damage in this story came from the swing, not the bite. That’s how overreacting works: a small annoyance shows up, we treat it like a threat, and the reaction costs more than the thing ever could. Most bites are more annoying than consequential.

What would a stoic do?

Consider how much more pain is brought on us by the anger and vexation caused by such acts than by the acts themselves, at which we are angry and vexed.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.18 (trans. George Long)

Marcus wrote this as a reminder to himself, about people who annoyed him. It works just as well for bugs, traffic and a slow reply. The thing happens once. The anger keeps happening, for as long as we keep it going. Sometimes you make yourself the final enemy.

Try this: three moves before the second slap

Notice the wind-up. The second slap is always harder than the first. When you feel yourself winding up, that’s the moment to pause.
Ask what it actually costs. A bite, an itch, a few minutes. Compare that with what the swing would cost you.
Find the ridiculous part. Hone in on the ridiculousness of it all. A grown bear vs a bug is funny. Laugh yourself back to your feet, and do better next time.

For whoever just lost a round to something the size of a grain of rice: you’re still in the game. meow meow, kev

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Marcus Aurelius on Getting Out of Bed: An Emperor’s Pep Talk (Hype Note)

zeus dalios — Sun, 27 Sep 2026 21:40:07 +0000

Marcus Aurelius ran the Roman Empire and still had trouble getting out of bed. His fix was a hype note: a few lines to himself that survive as Meditations 5.1. The reel is our paraphrase. The real note is below.

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thatBB dictionary

hype note

(noun)

A pep talk you write yourself before the day starts. An emperor needed one. You’re allowed one too.

Why getting out of bed is hard, even for an emperor

The most powerful man alive had every reason to get up: an empire, wars on the frontier, a schedule nobody else could run. He still argued with his blanket, and he wrote the argument down. That’s the part people skip. Struggling to start isn’t proof you’re lazy or failing. It’s the first rep of the day, and everyone has to do it. Emperors included.

What would a stoic do?

At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?’
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.1 (trans. Gregory Hays)

Notice what’s missing. No "rise and grind." No productivity. He gets up to do the work of a human being: his job, and his part in everyone else’s day. Warm blankets are nice. They’re just not what you’re for. The note doesn’t scold him. It reminds him why.

Try this: write your own hype note

Write it the night before. One or two lines on paper by your bed. Half-asleep you reads it, so keep it short.
Make it about why, not what. Skip the to-do list. Name who or what you’re getting up for: a person, a craft, a promise.
Let it be a little ridiculous. Rhyme it if you want. A note that makes you smile gets read.

For whoever’s still under the covers: you’re in good company. meow meow, kev

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Staying Positive When Things Go Wrong: Stoic Optimism Isn’t Expecting Clear Skies

zeus dalios — Sat, 26 Sep 2026 01:45:17 +0000

A gust bends Kev’s flower flat. The second the wind drops, it snaps back. That’s the whole idea behind stoic optimism, and it beats waiting for clear skies as a way of staying positive when things go wrong.

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thatBB dictionary

stoic optimism

(noun)

Not expecting clear skies. Snapping back to attention when the storm passes.

Why staying positive feels impossible when things go wrong

Most advice treats optimism like a forecast: believe it will work out and you’ll feel better. Then the forecast is wrong, and the optimism goes with it. When a bad week hits, pretending the weather is fine just adds a second job. Stoic optimism starts from the other end. It expects wind. It just doesn’t expect to stay bent.

What would a stoic do?

Be like the promontory against which the waves continually break, but it stands firm and tames the fury of the water around it.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.49 (trans. George Long)

Marcus wasn’t asking for calm seas. He was describing what stays put while the sea does whatever it does. The wind was never yours to control; the snapping back is. Bent isn’t broken. It just means the roots held.

Try this: 3 steps for the next storm

Let it bend you. Don’t argue with the gust. A rough day is allowed to feel rough.
Find the roots. Name one thing that’s still true: your people, your skills, your next meal. That’s what holds.
Snap back to one small thing. The second the wind drops, do the next useful task. Attention first; the mood follows.

For whoever’s still standing after this week. meow meow, kev

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How to Be Okay With Not Being Liked (Even the Aliens Said Nahh)

bunny bear — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 06:13:47 +0000

FACT: UFO sighting. A flying saucer crossed the galaxy, scanned Kev with a beam and filed its verdict out the window: NAHH. If you’re learning how to be okay with not being liked, you’re in good company.

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fact

nahh

(verdict)

What the aliens said. Being passed over isn’t a measurement of you; not everyone’s your people.

Why not being liked stings so much

Humans are wired to belong, so a no from anyone can register like a small emergency, even from people you’d never pick yourself. Not being liked feels like a verdict. Usually it’s just a mismatch: different taste, different timing, different planet. You’re not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s how you find the people who actually drink tea.

What would a stoic do?

We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.4

Marcus noticed the same glitch nearly 1,900 years ago. Other people’s approval is outside your control; your character isn’t. Put your effort there.

Try this: 3 steps after a nahh

Separate the scan from the scanner. Their verdict says more about their criteria than your worth.
Ask one fair question. Is anything in it useful? Keep that; drop the rest.
Go where you’re already liked. The ones who are your people don’t need a scan.

Send this to whoever’d get abducted with you. meow meow, kev

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How to Bounce Back After Failure (Am I Resting or Did I Just Fall?)

bunny bear — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 06:13:46 +0000

Kev is flat on his back, staring at the sky. Am I resting, or did I just fall? His enemies can’t tell either. Here’s how to bounce back after failure while you keep those clown biscuits guessing.

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field guide

clown biscuits

(noun, plural)

The doubters waiting to see if you stay down. Keep them guessing.

Why failure knocks the wind out of you

Failure hurts twice: once when it happens, and again when you picture everyone watching. The second part is usually worse, and it’s mostly made up. Most people are busy with their own falls. Getting back up is less about a comeback speech and more about quietly standing up again.

What would a stoic do?

When force of circumstance upsets your equanimity, lose no time in recovering your self-control.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.11

Marcus didn’t say never fall. He said recover quickly. Composure is a skill: you get to decide what the fall looks like on the way up.

Try this: 3 steps back to vertical

Take a horizontal minute. Rest is allowed; just put a timer on it.
Pick the next small move. Not the comeback. Only the next step.
Keep the stumble to yourself, if you like. You don’t owe anyone a play-by-play. Let the results talk.

Send this to whoever’s having a horizontal week. meow meow, kev

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How to Bounce Back After Making a Mistake at Work (Notes From the Curb)

bunny bear — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 06:13:45 +0000

Kev replied to his boss with “if you say so…” His boss politely kicked him to the curb. If you’re wondering how to bounce back after making a mistake at work, Kev has some notes. He has time; he’s on a curb.

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note to self

smart-assery

(noun)

Being right in the most expensive way possible. Requires a plan-B.

Why one comment can feel like a career-ending mistake

A sharp reply takes one second, and replaying it takes all week. Mistakes at work feel bigger because they’re public, they touch your paycheck, and you’ll see the same people tomorrow. But most workplace mistakes are recoverable. People remember how you handled it far longer than what you said.

What would a stoic do?

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11.18

The sarcasm wasn’t the real problem; the flash of irritation behind it was. The stoic move isn’t to never feel annoyed. It’s to notice the heat before it reaches your mouth, and when it slips out anyway, to own it quickly.

Try this: 3 steps off the curb

Own it fast and short. "That came out wrong; I’m sorry." No essay.
Fix the actual thing. Ask what they need, then deliver it.
Build your plan-B. Next time you feel an "if you say so" coming, ask a question instead.

It ain’t that serious. The curb has a nice view. Send this to the coworker who’d sit on the curb with you. meow meow, kev

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Why Do Embarrassing Memories Keep Coming Back? (Déjà-Eww, Explained)

bunny bear — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 06:13:44 +0000

You’re mid-bite, minding your own business, and your brain serves up something you said in 2019. Kev knows the feeling. We call it déjà-eww, and if you’ve ever wondered why embarrassing memories keep coming back, this one’s for you.

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thatBB word of the week · no. 3

déjà-eww

(noun) · /day·zhah·ew/

An embarrassing old memory that ambushes you mid-bite, mid-shower, mid-life.

Why do embarrassing memories keep coming back?

Embarrassment is a social alarm. Your brain treats "they saw me mess up" as a threat to belonging, and threats get stored with extra weight so you’ll avoid them next time. The memory shows up out of nowhere because the cues are everywhere: a song, a smell, a quiet moment with nothing else to think about. The replay feels urgent, but it’s old news. The people who were there have mostly forgotten; they’re busy replaying their own 2019.

What would a stoic do?

People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.
Epictetus, Enchiridion 5 (translation adapted)

The moment is over. What’s still happening is your judgment of it. You can’t edit what you said, but you can edit the verdict: that was a clumsy moment, not a life sentence.

Try this: 3 steps for the next ambush

Name it. "Oh, déjà-eww." A label turns a flood into something you can look at.
Check the audience. Does anyone who matters still care? Nobody who matters cares; so why should you?
Take the next bite. Go back to the sandwich, the shower, the task. Don’t argue with the memory; just don’t feed it.

Send this to whoever was there in 2019. meow meow, kev

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Planning as Procrastination: When the Plan Becomes the Excuse (Planxiety)

bunny bear — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 06:13:43 +0000

Ten-step plan. Zero steps taken. If your to-do list has its own to-do list, you might have planxiety, the most productive-looking form of planning as procrastination.

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thatBB dictionary · no. 2

planxiety

(noun) · /plan·zy·uh·tee/

The art of planning so hard you never actually start.

Why does planning feel like progress?

Planning gives you the reward of progress without the risk of doing. Every new step, color code and app feels productive, and none of it can fail, because none of it has touched the real world yet. Starting is where things can go wrong, so your brain keeps finding one more thing to prepare. The plan stops being a map and becomes a hiding spot.

What would a stoic do?

While we are postponing, life speeds by.
Seneca, Letters to Lucilius 1

The stoics didn’t hate plans; they hated waiting for perfect conditions. The plan will never be 100%. It doesn’t have to be. Step 1 at 70% beats step 30 on paper.

Try this: 3 steps to get unstuck

Circle one step. The smallest one you could finish in 20 minutes.
Set a 70% bar. Good enough to learn from, not good enough to frame.
Do it before you touch the plan again. Then update the plan with what you actually learned.

Send this to your favorite over-planner. Do it to get it. meow meow, kev

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Finding Joy in Small Things: Why Not Everything Needs a Reason (Boopism)

bunny bear — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 06:13:42 +0000

Kev got booped on the nose. No reason. That’s the reason. We call it boopism, and it might be the easiest way to start finding joy in small things again.

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thatBB dictionary · no. 1

boopism

(noun) · /boo·piz·um/

The stoic art of doing a small, happy thing just because. Not everything needs a reason.

Why is it so hard to enjoy small things?

We justify everything. The nap has to count as recovery, the walk has to hit a step goal, the snack has to be earned. When every small joy needs a reason, it turns into one more task to optimize, and the joy quietly leaks out. Small things are small on purpose. They work best when they don’t have to prove anything.

What would a stoic do?

Very little is needed to make a happy life.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.67

The stoics weren’t joyless; they were picky about where joy comes from. If happiness depends on big wins, it always lives somewhere in the future. If it can come from a warm cup, a good cloud or a boop, it’s available right now.

Try this: 3 small boops for today

Do one nice thing with no reason attached. No tracking, no posting, no lesson.
Say one small good thing out loud. "This coffee is great" counts.
Give one away. Boop someone who’s been overthinking lately.

Not everything has to earn its place; some things are just nice. That’s the whole point. meow meow, kev

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