You’re mid-bite, minding your own business, and your brain serves up something you said in 2019. Kev knows the feeling. We call it déjà-eww, and if you’ve ever wondered why embarrassing memories keep coming back, this one’s for you.
thatBB word of the week · no. 3
déjà-eww
(noun) · /day·zhah·ew/
An embarrassing old memory that ambushes you mid-bite, mid-shower, mid-life.
Why do embarrassing memories keep coming back?
Embarrassment is a social alarm. Your brain treats "they saw me mess up" as a threat to belonging, and threats get stored with extra weight so you’ll avoid them next time. The memory shows up out of nowhere because the cues are everywhere: a song, a smell, a quiet moment with nothing else to think about. The replay feels urgent, but it’s old news. The people who were there have mostly forgotten; they’re busy replaying their own 2019.
What would a stoic do?
People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.
Epictetus, Enchiridion 5 (translation adapted)
The moment is over. What’s still happening is your judgment of it. You can’t edit what you said, but you can edit the verdict: that was a clumsy moment, not a life sentence.
Try this: 3 steps for the next ambush
- Name it. "Oh, déjà-eww." A label turns a flood into something you can look at.
- Check the audience. Does anyone who matters still care? Nobody who matters cares; so why should you?
- Take the next bite. Go back to the sandwich, the shower, the task. Don’t argue with the memory; just don’t feed it.
Send this to whoever was there in 2019. meow meow, kev
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